Seriously, my mustache made me do it!

It appears a plucky British fellow blames his nose neighbor for the various rhubarbs he encounters while drinking at local pubs or grabbing some cash for mustache wax at the jolly ol' ATM. The Daily Mail reports Charles Law, 48, retaliates to teasing and taunting the best way us mustachioed men know how: by handing out critical beatdowns. Hey, with a handlebar like that, you knew it was coming.

In the latest case of stache-related violence, Law pleaded guilty to pummeling a teen who shouted: "Nice moustache. Where'd you get it?"

Alas, in a British court Law vowed to remove his impressive facial fuzz to guarantee he would no longer get into scuffles on its behalf. Summoning his inner Beastwood, Law said: "It's a shame, but it has to go. I've had it since I was 22 and at one point it was up to 16 inches long. I will miss it."

Here's to Law for making the streets safe for Stachetoberfest!

And then there were 7

Stachetestant Beastwood is out of the competition. Stachetestant Beastwood exists no more.

So when is the next Stachetoberfest photo update?

Uhh... guys? How's the hair?

creepy

This photograph is courtesy of my buddy Dave, who wishes he was in on this. Apparently someone did this to the back of their head for a haircut contest last year.

It begins...

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the contestants of Stachetoberfest.

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Name: Mr. Hickey

Occupation: Bad ass M F'er

Age: ageless

Mr. Hickey grew up in Rhode Island and loves punk rock, leather-covered USB sticks and gyros. He has a lifetime's worth of tuxedo rentals.

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Name: Trujillo
Occupation: Token Latino
Known aliases: Jil, Da Man, Toke

This dude likes to breakdance in parking lots, wear capes, and listen to Bobby B records on the weekends.

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Name: Jack
Occupation: Half of the Beejays

Known aliases: Jackers, J-Lo, Mr. Jubblies

Jack enjoys going to the beach, camping, soccer, working out, blogging, bowling, and cougars.

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Name: Irish McGillicuddy

Occupation: The man we all want to be

Known Aliases: The Doctor, The Silver Fox, Cougar Killer

Known to be hanging out in pubs, receiving high praise from college girls after "great" performances, which are then followed by high 5's from the dudes checking out the college girls. This cycle of events works well for The Doctor.

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Name: Mr. Howard
Occupation: Angling machine

Largest organ: Skin

Mr. Howard makes a mean campfire dinner. And has freckles. Nuff said.

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Name: Beastwood

Known aliases: Brian

Occupation: Other half of the Beejays

Beastwood has been spotted eating vats worth of pasta at a time, running road races and innapropriately touching fish. Don't ask, don't tell.

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Name: Victor

Known aliases: Tessa's boyfriend

Occupation: Mainer

Not much is known about this man, except that he is really cool. And is going out with Tessa. And can play guitar. And does something involving software engineering. And is Brazilian in a way that doesn't involve wax. Ok, that's TMI. Let's go back to not knowing anything.

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Name: Kraemer

Occupation: Beer

Sex: lots

Kraemer is known to enjoy sushi, snakes, planes, kickball, the ladies, the Cubs, and Fribbles.

Stachetoberfest rules

The idea behind Stachetoberfest is simple - grow a mustache for the month of October. How it turned into a contest is a little, uh, fuzzy, but I'm willing to go with rules if it maintains the integrity of the Stachetoberfest spirit. The rules outlined in this blog are fine with me and do in fact uphold the principles of what it means to grow a mustache during the month of October. So it has been said, so it has been written.

A clean shaved face shall be presented on October 1st.
Official Stachetoberfest-regulation mustaches are present on the upper lip only - no 'soul patches' or goatees in tandem with the mustache will be allowed Stachetoberfest status. Mustaches that extend beyond the upper lip are acceptable, but must not connect to a beard or be part of a sideburn configuration.
Regular grooming that accentuates participants mustaches must be observed.

Short of those rules, all other mustache cultivating strategies are acceptable in order for a mustache to be an official Stachetoberfest licensed mustache.

Inspiration

It seems that I have some kind of attraction to stache mojo, though I'm no stache daddy yet. Several of my friends like to get jiggy with the facial hairstylings. Here's what Jon Bulette was up to last year:

The NYC Beard and Mustache Contest.

See if any of these guys inspire you.



Ladies, note the Best Fake Mustache category in the clip below.

Maybe if we had six months.

Sam Elliot is an underrated master...

Sam Elliot is an underrated master cowboy mustache grower. I think I've only seen him with a bald lip in one or two movies. In Road House he went for the 5-day shadow look, but in almost everything else he has the hairy lip in full effect. If I had a couple months to work on my stache, I'd go for the look in this pic.

The ultimate warriors

Legit staches.

Stachetember is drawing to an end...

Just a quick shoutout to the Stachetember blog, where some considerably more socially conscious chaps are doing something worthy with their facial hair.

Witness:

"Stachetember is a fundraiser for United Way of Metropolitan Chicago. All funds generated will go towards improving lives in the Greater Metropolitan Chicago community by investing funds in health and human service programs that show results in areas like, improving access to healthcare, crisis recovery, affordable housing, economic self sufficiency, and educational development.

In addition to being one of the easiest ways to give back to the community, Stachetember gives Chicago guys, and maybe even some ladies, the chance to send an unmistakable message, and that message is you can't stop a man (or woman) with a moustache."

Any votes out there for making this thing a pale ghost of that effort?

Their rules are solid. Here's a modification:

1. All participants must start with a cleanly shaven mug on October 1, the first day of Stachetober.

2. No hair on the chin. It's not Goateeober. The flavor savor soulpatch on the lower lip has been ruled out.

3. No regulation moustache will be connected to sideburns. Then it's Beardtober. Beards are for Youks.

Judging will happen at Tacoween 2007...Saturday Oct. 27. Deets to come.

Finally, in one more shameless bit of blog-borrowing (what can I tell ya, I'm blogstipated), here's some priceless words of wisdom on what to call yourself: Stache Daddies and Stache Mommas. Witness:

At the start of [Stachetoberfest] you have to be clean shaven, not a little stubbly, not sporting a shaggy beard, clean shaven. [Stachetoberfest] participants (henceforth known as Stache Daddies) have one month to grow their super sweet moustache in whatever style they chose, and of course to raise the sponsorship cash to get you and all your friends into Stachetoberfest.

Even though it is likely we will have more participating Stache Daddies than Stache Mommas (our lovely ladies of Stachetober), ladies still hold an important role in this process, recruit, recruit, recruit. Ladies, don't miss an opportunity to express how dashing and manly these sweet new staches make your men look, and how can everyone express what a great benefit the Stache is to the community at large? By donating early and often.

What does the Stachetoberfest commmunity think? Fundraising? Rules? Party?

It's Talk like a (Space) Pirate Day! Arrrrr.

Zardoz sez start rubbing that hair tonic on yer upper lip. October is just around the bend.

Can you beat Sean?

Mutton-CHOP!

Glad to be onboard

Animation: The Mustache Contest